All That Glitters
by Keydieh Hurst
Summary: My response to the writing prompt: "She showed up at his door, soaking wet, bruised and covered in glitter." I couldn't not write this and it got out of hand. I'm sorry. Notes: This story has never seen a beta despite myself, so I apologize in advance for anything that doesn't make sense, any grammar and spelling mistakes and my horrible taste.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rating: NC-17

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She showed up at his door, soaking wet, bruised and covered in glitter.

He had left the party hours ago. When the clock had struck midnight and the fireworks had gone off, he had suddenly realized that as happy as he was having his friends all around him, the person he really wanted to see at that exact moment was nowhere in sight. Had had looked around and upon not being able to find her, he had decided that it was time to call it a night and retreat to his home. He had spent enough time at the New Year's party and surely no one would miss him. He had made it home just in time for the pouring rain.

A few hours later a loud hollering and pounding at his door woke him from his deep slumber.

There she stood, dripping wet, her long black dress covered in glitter, reminding him of the vastness of space. She held one of her high-heeled sandals in one hand and the hem of her dress in the other. Her arms and legs were covered in scrapes and bruises and her white feet were starting to turn an ugly shade of blue. He realized that she must be freezing and she looked as if she walked here barefoot in the cold rain. The shattering of her teeth and her violent shaking was the final proof that she was obviously freezing to death out here.

Chakotay quickly stepped aside and pulled her inside, closing the door behind her and pulling her through to his living room. He grabbed a blanket from his couch and pulled it around her before he held her by her shoulders and took in her appearance from head to toe. From the way she slightly swayed and had trouble standing upright, he guessed that she had a little more to drink than she ought to. He had to bite back a laugh at the glitter that was clinging to her wet skin and dress. It even covered her hair and face.

"Kathryn," he finally said, guiding her to the couch and making her sit down, "what happened?"

"I was reminiscing." She looked at him matter-of-factly, despite the fact that she had trouble keeping her eyes open and her head still.

"And that got you looking like this?"

She looked at her arms and her dress then and seemed surprised at her current state. Then shrugged and looked back at him.

"I threw myself a pity party." She simply said in her no-nonsense voice.

That got his attention. Chakotay looked at Kathryn, trying to gauge her mood. The only time he'd known her to wallow in self-pity was a long time ago and she didn't seem even close to the black hole she was in back then. If anything she seemed a little giddy and from the looks of it, he would say she had partied a little too hard. When he had lost sight of her at the New Year's party she had looked radiant, but sober and her hair, skin and clothes had definitely been intact and unscathed. No, this obviously wasn't another bout of depression rearing its ugly head.

"Kathryn, you're drunk," Chakotay stated unnecessarily. A blind person could see that she was drunk as a skunk.

"Don't be ridiculous." She waved him off with her hand and an eye roll that didn't look too comfortable, "I only had a few glasses of champagne."

Her speech wasn't generally impaired, but her words were slurred, as if her tongue had already fallen asleep on her. But the few steps she had taken since he opened the door had not been in a straight line, not even close to a straight line. And the hand that clutched the edge of the sofa as if she was trying to stop her body from spinning with the room, almost made Chakotay laugh out loud. He desperately bit his cheek, when she once again shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind.

"So, where's your copper bride?" Kathryn mumbled almost incoherently while standing up, letting the blanket slide off her shoulders, and starting to wander around his house on unsteady legs.

"Where's what?" Chakotay asked following Kathryn as she grabbed on to the walls and different furniture on her way, having shaken off his offered hand.

She lifted her hand from the kitchen counter she was holding on to, almost making her fall and stumble into it with her hip, and waved him off, "Never mind."

Her kept following her around his house and put a steadying hand on her lower back when she walked up the stairs, both of her hands in an iron grip of the railing. When she opened the door to his bedroom she looked around for a few second and obviously not finding what she was looking for, she swiftly turned around, went back downstairs and slumped down on the couch.

Chakotay decided to give her a few seconds and went into the kitchen to make her some tea. By the time he returned with the steaming cup, Kathryn was fast asleep in his couch, her head propped up on her right arm, her left arm protectively over her chest, her hand clutching her right upper arm. Although he knew her neck and back would probably be killing her in the morning, she looked so peaceful that Chakotay didn't want to disturb her. So he carefully took off the one sandal she was still wearing and spread the blanket over her. He placed a glass of water on the coffee table in case she woke up during the night and went to bed himself, leaving his bedroom door open so he would hear if anything was wrong.

Once during the night, he was awakened to the sound of her retching in the bathroom. By the time he got up and reached the stairs, he heard the water running and waited for her to come out of the bathroom. He watched from the top of the stairs as she emerged and padded to the door. When her hand reached the door handle he started down the stairs but saw her hesitate and turn back to look around the room.

Something on the sideboard must have caught her attention. She let go of the door handle and walked to the sideboard and out of his vision. Chakotay heard her sigh heavily and then she reappeared in his line of vision, sat back on the couch and took a few sips of the water before lying back down and pulling the blanket around herself.

Pleased that Kathryn had obviously decided to stay, Chakotay went back to bed, hoping she would still be there when he woke in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

Chakotay quietly crept down the stairs. Although it was almost noon, the house was eerily quiet, so he prepared himself for the possibility that Kathryn had stolen away after all. Still, he carried a towel and a change of clothes for her, one of his shirts and a pair of sweatpants, that would be way too big for her, but she could tie them and roll the waistband to make it fit better.

They had been home almost eight months now and after the debriefings and the Homecoming Ball they had rarely seen each other. Chakotay had gotten the distinct impression that Kathryn was avoiding him and he was willing to give her time to adjust to being home and away from her crew and the pressure of command. He had faith that once things had settled down they would find their way towards each other sooner or later. He knew better than to try to pressure her into anything and make her recoil and run the other way.

When he stepped into the living room and caught sight of Kathryn still sleeping soundly on his couch he had to smile. She had turned during the night, and while the blanket was still covering most her body, one of her legs had stolen out and was now on top of the blanket and one of her arms was hanging down the side of the couch. Her mouth was slightly open and when he stepped closer he though he saw her drooling a little. It was so endearingly human, he just couldn't mind that she was drooling on his couch.

As quietly as he could, he put the towel and the clothes on the coffee table and turned for the kitchen. He left the door ajar, so he would hear her when she woke up, and started to prepare tea for himself and coffee for Kathryn. She had told him about her favorite blend and since they had arrived on Earth he had made sure to always have a fresh package of whole beans ready for her if she decided to drop by. She never did.

Until last night. Now he couldn't help the warmth that spread through him and settled in the pit of his stomach. Even in her inebriated state she had found her way to him - as he hoped she would eventually. From the things she said when she arrived, the things he had been able to make out at least, he guessed they would have a serious talk. Knowing Kathryn, she would try to rationalize everything and it would not be easy to convince her that they were just right and didn't need rationalization.

Chakotay heard his console signaling an incoming transmission and quickly making sure Kathryn was still fast asleep he went to his study and accepted the call.

"B'Elanna!" He was surprised when the half-Klingon's face showed.

"Chakotay, are you sitting down?" B'Elanna asked unnecessarily as she could clearly see he was sitting at his desk.

"What's wrong?" His friend's face showed clear concern and distress and Chakotay knew she wasn't easily rattled, so he naturally worried that something was wrong with Miral, "Is it Miral?"

"No," she assured him, "it's not Miral. We don't know if anything is wrong at all, it's just that…uhm…"

"B'Elanna," Chakotay warned impatiently when his friend trailed off. He didn't want an unnecessarily long conversation when Kathryn might wake up at any moment.

"Okay, okay." B'Elanna held her hands up in defense, "Captain Janeway's purse has been found by the cleaning staff this morning and no one has seen her since last night. A couple of us tried to get in contact with her, but she's not at home or with her mother. No one knows where she is and no one has seen her leave with anyone."

"B'Elanna…" Chakotay tried to interrupt, but to no avail.

"I wanted to let you know before you hear anything in the news. It's not like her and we're trying to find her. I don't want to worry you, but I thought you should know…" B'Elanna stopped when she noticed Chakotay didn't in the least look worried or upset, but rather amused. She squinted her eyes at her old friend, "Chakotay?"

"She's alright, B'E," Chakotay chuckled.

"You know where she is?"

"She's right here," he added.

"She's with you?" B'Elanna asked incredulously.

"Why does that surprise you so much?" He was a little taken aback that it was so apparently obvious to everyone else that Kathryn had been avoiding him.

"Well," B'Elanna pulled a grimace, "you **did** show up with Seven on your arm last night."

"Annika," Chakotay corrected, slightly offended, "and the Doctor asked me to take her because he was going to be late, you know that."

"I know that, but the Captain doesn't."

"You know she's an Admiral now, right?" Chakotay tried to evade the direction this conversation was taking. This wasn't where he wanted to venture with Kathryn in the next room.

"Yea, sure, she'll always be our Captain," B'Elanna quipped with a grin, then looked at her friend with a serious look for a moment before raising her eyebrow suggestively and asking, "So you took her home?"

"No, she…"

"Took **you** home." Chakotay would have loved to wipe that smirk off B'Elanna's face. "It's about time. We thought you two would never wise up."

"B'Elanna," Chakotay interrupted sharply. He had no intention of having Kathryn walk in on this conversation and get the wrong image. "She came here by herself and fell asleep on my couch."

"Kahless, you two are going to kill us all." B'Elanna threw her hands up in frustration, then grinned again when she heard a tell-tale groan in the background. "Seems like your visitor is awake. Good luck."

She ended the call before Chakotay had a chance to reply, so he got up and went to check on Kathryn. Pausing in the door he observed her for a moment before announcing his presence.

Kathryn crinkled her nose slightly, the smell of freshly brewed coffee invading her consciousness before she had fully woken up. She slowly opened her eyes, then scrunched them back shut when the glaring daylight greeted her. Trying again, she only opened one eye a slit and blinking rapidly to adjust to the brightness, finally managed to open both eyes enough to take in her surroundings. Rolling onto her side she felt the saliva on her cheek and wiped it away with her hand before looking around, trying to see where she was.

She was obviously in someone's living room, occupying a couch she had never seen before. When she realized that she had no idea where she was she tried to sit up. Halfway to a sitting position however her hangover made itself known, her headache hit her full force and the room started spinning. She groaned loudly and pressing both palms into her eyes sunk back into the cushions. Kathryn desperately tried to remember what she had done the night before, but after Chakotay had appeared with Seven on his arm, Kathryn had kindly taken to the champagne and, if she was honest, some other stuff she didn't recognize and wouldn't remember, making the rest of the night a blur that eventually just faded into darkness in her muddled brain.

Since it was bright morning, she must have obviously spent the night at this stranger's house. With sudden realization, Kathryn lifted the blanket to check on her state of dress and let out a relieved sigh when she found herself fully dressed and, apart from a few scratches and bruises, apparently unharmed. Trying not to move too much, she turned her head and took a look around the room. While she couldn't remember having been here before it seemed eerily familiar, and it wasn't until her eyes fell on a framed photograph that she realized where she had ended up. Before she could stop it, another groan left her throat and she quickly clamped her lips shut, not wanting to alert her host to her wakefulness.

Kathryn gingerly attempted to sit up again and with one hand clutched to her temple she finally found herself in an upright position. She had every intention of putting her shoes on and leaving before Chakotay would get up, but before she had a chance to bend down to look for her sandals, a steaming cup appeared in front of her face. It was just too enticing to ignore, especially with her headache, so she gave up and accepted the cup with both hands and a sigh.

Chakotay almost laughed out loud when he saw Kathryn lift the blanket to find herself fully dressed and release a relieved sigh. Apparently she didn't remember much, if anything, from last night, and seeing her consider what she might have done in her intoxicated state amused him. It was a sight of her he had not seen before. He figured that she probably had a wild side that he couldn't wait to find out about. If he would be able to conquer her doubts, that is.

He quickly grabbed a fresh cup of coffee for her and waited for her to sit up on her own, before walking over and offering the vice to her before she had a chance to stand up. He saw her look at the cup and hesitate for a moment before reaching for it. When her fingers finally closed around the warm cup and she inhaled the scent of her favorite brew, a sigh leaving her lips, Chakotay smiled, even though she had yet to meet his eyes. He laid the hypospray he had prepared for her on the coffee table before he spoke.

"Here's something for your head. There's a towel and a change of clothes. The bathroom's the first door on the left," he signaled down the hall, "I'll be in the kitchen with breakfast."

Kathryn followed his hand as he showed the direction of each room and nodded carefully, still not meeting his eyes. When he got up, though, and walked to the kitchen, his back to her, Kathryn's eyes followed him until the door closed behind him. She sat for a few minutes, cradling the warm cup of coffee in her hands, trying to decide if she should stay for breakfast and talk, or if she should chicken out and just leave. Her gaze fixed on the framed photograph again and she felt a weird feeling creep from her stomach and heart up her neck, making her shudder.

She grabbed the hypospray and injected herself, then grabbed the pile of clothes and the towel and went into the bathroom. She turned on the shower and quickly undressed. Her dress was slightly damp and it felt good to take it off. For a fleeting moment she felt weird standing naked in Chakotay's bathroom, but she quickly dismissed the thought and stepped under the warm spray of the shower. Still she couldn't shake the intimacy of shedding all of her clothes, all of her covers in Chakotay's home. It was new and unfamiliar, but for some reason it didn't feel wrong. It simply felt weird.

Leaning her head back and holding her hands out in front of her, Kathryn let the warm water pool in her palms, then stepped closer to let it hit her upper chest. The warm water felt good and she reached out to raise the temperature. When it felt just right, she turned around and let the water flow over her forehead and soak her hair. She ran her hands through the tresses that had grown just past her shoulders by now, making sure they were all wet, before she applied the shampoo, carefully massaging it into her scalp.

Kathryn felt the headache recede slowly until it was completely gone. She rinsed her hair and looking around saw that Chakotay had even put conditioner in the shower for her. She smiled and took the bottle. It was her trademark smell and she applied it generously. She let the conditioner set, while she washed the rest of her body with Chakotay's soap. It smelled faintly like him and Kathryn smiled at the thought that she would smell a little like him for the rest of the day, no matter how the breakfast conversation would turn out. _Here's to life's little joys_ , she thought.

At least there was no sign of Seven's presence in his home. So the situation wasn't as dire as Kathryn had thought the night before. When she finished in the shower, Kathryn stepped out, calm and relaxed. She put on the clothes Chakotay had laid out for her and chuckled when she looked at herself in the mirror. She felt comfortable, but the shirt was a few sizes too big, making her look as if she drowned in it, and the pants were not faring any better. Kathryn had to roll the waistband and the pant legs quite a bit to make it stay on her hips and to avoid continuously stepping on the hem. She looked like a child drowning in his clothes. After brushing her wet hair back and out of her face, she went to find Chakotay in the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

The house was quiet, but she heard some cluttering in the kitchen and followed the smell of coffee and something else cooking. When she opened the kitchen door, she was greeted by the sight of asparagus slowly frying in a pan and Chakotay just cracking an egg into a measuring cup and slipping it into a pot with simmering water. When Chakotay saw Kathryn in the door he gave her a dimpled smile and refilled the cup he had fetched from the living room and slid it over for her.

"Perfect timing," he said, "breakfast is almost ready." He gestured to the table with a nod of his head, signaling her to take a seat while he got their plates ready.

Kathryn hesitated a moment then chose a seat that would let her watch Chakotay while he put the finishing touches on their breakfast. She gulped when he stretched up to take two plates from the upper cupboard and his T-shirt rode up just enough to reveal two dimples on his lower back just above the waistband of his pants. Her breath caught as she ogled the creamy expanse of caramel skin that he revealed and when his shirt came back down and he turned around, she had to force herself to look away in order not to get caught staring. She licked her lips and took another sip from her coffee, eyeing Chakotay as he finished his cooking and put several items of food on each plate.

He placed a couple of green asparagus stems on each plate and poured some brown butter over them. Then he carefully removed the poached eggs from the simmering water and placed them next to the asparagus. Kathryn felt the tell-tale stinging of tears in her eyes and quickly blinked them away.

He set her plate down in front of her and when she looked down at it, she couldn't help the laugh that escaped her throat. It was a full-bodied, throaty laugh, an honest laugh. It was one of those laughs he hadn't heard in too long. A laugh that bruised and balmed his heart. That laugh that had haunted his dreams as long as he could remember. That laugh that he had been chasing as long as he had known her. And when she looked up at him, he could see his own emotions reflected in those glazed-over cerulean eyes that captured him and set him free.

"You remembered," she whispered as she grabbed his hand, her eyebrows furrowing together and raising as she looked at him with surprise showing on her face. She had not seen him put the strawberries and the cream on their plates and the realization that he had remembered her passing comment hit her full force, making her swallow heavily.

He recognized the vulnerability of her statement and wondered how she could think that he would ever forget anything about her. But he had to be honest and admit to himself that he hadn't given her any reason to believe that he would want to remember. It had been a long time since they had given each other any memories worth keeping. But that had been then and this was now and he wanted to tell her that he remembered every pore on her skin, every nice word she every uttered to him, every gentle touch she felt him worthy of. He wanted to tell her that he wants to create new memories worth keeping. He wanted to erase the doubt from her eyes and her mind.

"Of course," he simply said instead.

They ate in silence. Kathryn, too overcome with emotions she wasn't ready to face just yet, and Chakotay too distracted by the emotions fluttering across her beautiful face. She was heavily aware of him watching her and from time to time she looked up only to find his eyes quickly looking at his own place, then returning to her, when he thought she wasn't looking. It was wonderful and a little disconcerting and for long minutes Kathryn contemplated whether she was really ready for the magnitude of what she would reveal if they really talked.

They had hurt each other so much, especially in the last year of their journey and in the months they had been back. She was no saint, has never been, will never be, but for him, she thought, she should have tried harder. They had been so callous with each other's feelings that it was difficult to imagine they could just forget and forgive. But maybe that was the point - not to forget, but to keep in mind the own pain. When no food was left on her plate and there was no more excuse, her eyes wandered to the door, the urge to escape evident to him. She was never good with her own emotions.

"Why are you here, Kathryn?" It was a simple question. And it was not.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come…"

"But you did." His voice was warm and understanding, encouraging, not accepting her excuses. "I hoped you would."

That surprised her and she looked up at him, "You did?"

"I was waiting, Kathryn." He needed her to know this, "I was giving you all the time you needed, but I was waiting and hoping."

"After all this time?" It had felt like a lifetime. And maybe it had been.

"Always." There was a conviction in his voice that made Kathryn speechless. She had been unaware of just how loyal Chakotay had been to her after all. After everything. Despite everything.

"I heard rumors that you had broken up with Seven," Kathryn finally said, trying to gauge his reaction, still not sure where they stood after he brought Seven to the party last night.

For a split second he wanted to correct her that Seven wanted to be called Annika now, but that would be inappropriate and Kathryn probably knew that fact very well. The breakup had been months ago, Chakotay thought, but was nevertheless glad, that she had heard even though he should have been the one to tell her. "I did," he said without any implication, without any accusation.

"But I needed time," Kathryn continued, gaining the momentum to get it all out in the open, "I had to make sure I could live without you, be happy without you. My happiness couldn't depend on you." He wanted to disagree, but knowing Kathryn, he understood why she felt the need to extricate her state of mind from his presence, so he just reached for her hand across the table and squeezed it lightly.

"Out there, you were my support system. It was elementary to my survival that I could always fall back on you. That's not a good foundation for a relationship." Kathryn shook her head and frowned, "I needed to want to be with you, but be okay if I couldn't. Do you understand that?"

It broke his heart to hear her confirm the extent of her loneliness in the Delta Quadrant, to have her basically spell out for him what their estrangement during the last year had meant for her. She searched his face for confirmation and he could only swallow and nod.

"I was finally in a good place, Chakotay," Kathryn smiled at him, wanting him to know that she was fine, that she didn't hold a grudge, "and then you showed up with Seven and I thought I wouldn't be okay after all. So I got drunk and threw myself a pity party." She looked down at their joined hands and chuckled, "And I wanted to make sure that you were happy and then I was so drunk that I thought, ' _What the hell_ ' and I wanted to see if there's still a chance for us and what it is I would be fighting against."

"You would have fought for me?" He was surprised at her admission.

"Not literally." She frowned and slapped his shoulder gently at his boyish smirk, "I would never intentionally hurt Seven, but if there was a chance I wanted to make sure you made the right decision. I owed it to you - to us - to at least let you know that you have a choice… But Seven is not here, is she?"

"No and she's never been," he assured her, "It's only ever been you, Kathryn."

"We both know that's not true," Kathryn argued, not wanting to be cuddled. If they wanted this to work or honestly see if it could work they owed each other the truth.

"I swayed when what I wanted wasn't available, that's true," Chakotay agreed, "but what I really wanted, unwaveringly, was you, Kathryn."

She didn't reply this time. There was no point arguing when she basically felt the same way about him. Even though she had at times tried to find some form of happiness or fulfillment somewhere else, if she was really honest with herself, she had also known that the one person who could fill this void was right in front of her. Within reach, yet unreachable. Through her own boundaries, but unreachable nonetheless. He had been right in front of her, but 75 thousand light years away. And while their distance from home had shrunk, so had her conviction that the two of them would make it.

She had to be brutally honest with herself. She had given up. Yes, she had kept hoping, but she had given up. And she couldn't fault Chakotay for giving up either.

Chakotay watched the wheels turning in her head as she stared at her fingers. She had a bad habit of sticking with her decisions once made even against her own good. Chakotay hoped that this time she would make a decision in their favor. When she looked up her face wore such a stricken expression that he felt his heart sink several inches in his chest.

"I love you," she blurted out to an entirely unprepared Chakotay, "but you really ruined my homecoming."

He nodded, "Kind of ruined mine as well." There really was no point in apologizing now. What was done, was done.

"And last night…"

"I showed up with Seven." He looked at Kathryn and sighed.

It wasn't as if the evening wasn't tormenting for him as well. The Doctor had asked Chakotay to pick up and accompany Seven to the New Year's party, because he was held up and didn't want Seven to miss out on any of the 'fun'. But the moment he had laid eyes on the former drone, Chakotay had been unable to keep his thoughts from straying towards Kathryn.

Seven had chosen a copper silk dress that accentuated all of her curves in the right places, but to Chakotay it just seemed out of place. Although Kathryn didn't have a monopoly on the color, Chakotay would always associate it with her. Seeing it on Seven was just plain wrong. So wrong in fact, that he had called Seven 'Kathryn' a couple of times, until she politely but resolutely reminded him, that her newly chosen designation was Annika and if he wished to spend time with Admiral Janeway, he could simply join her on the other side of the room. Seven had let go of his arm then, leaving an embarrassed and flushed Chakotay behind. He went to the restroom to freshen up and calm down, and when he returned Kathryn had disappeared.

He had really made a mess.

"I wanted to tell you last night," Kathryn continued, "and then kiss you at midnight. But you fucked that up."

Chakotay's head shot up at her blunt expression, but Kathryn grinned at him with her eyebrow raised in expectation. It was clear that she had said that on purpose.

"I was planning on telling you that you took long enough to make up your mind," he shot back, "and then kiss you at midnight."

Instead of replying, Kathryn's eyebrows seemed to rise another inch as she leaned on her hand, two fingers on her temple and her thumb propped under her chin. He knew the pose. He had seen it often enough on Voyager.

"So…" she said, but didn't continue.

"So, you love me, huh?" She only squinted her eyes at him, curious where he was going with this. He had yet to reciprocate the sentiment. "Good to know."

Kathryn knew he was teasing her. She had kept him at arm's length for seven years without so much as a declaration that would give him some hope. She had always just assumed and expected him to know, when he had basically bared his heart to her. While she was pretty sure there was no actual battle for her to fight here, she decided to have some more fun and let him play his little game a while longer. She watched as he stood up and cleared the table. He quickly washed their dishes and put the ingredients back into the fridge, clearing the counter and wiping it off with a wet cloth. Only when he had cleaned the cooking area to his satisfaction did he turn around to Kathryn, a towel in his hands still drying them off.

"So, what do you want to do now?" He asked, "Did you have any plans for today?"

Kathryn stood up, took her empty coffee cup and placed it in the sink, strategically situating herself between Chakotay and the counter.

"I have a few ideas," she said suggestively, "but it all depends on whether you're-" she paused and slowly seized him up with her eyes, her tongue quickly flicking over the corner of her lips- "up to it."

Chakotay groaned at her obvious suggestion and threw the towel on the counter behind him, his hands free to grab her hips while he stepped closer and effectively pressed her into the counter behind her.

"Whatever makes you think I wouldn't be up for anything," he growled, pressing his hips into her, letting her feel just how up he was for her.

"I have a lot of time to make up for." She wriggled slightly so that one of his thighs slipped between her legs and pressed him even closer to her.

"And how much time would that be exactly?" It was an inappropriate and insensitive question and they both knew it. But they were playing a game here and Kathryn wasn't about to chicken out now.

"I haven't gotten laid in eight years," she stated matter of factly, and at his surprised and shocked expression added with a sly grin, "if you don't count my own hands."

"Spirits woman, you're going to kill me," Chakotay groaned and took a deep breath, trying to fight of the unbidden, yet pleasant images flooding his mind.

He wanted to feel bad for her for not getting any for almost eight years, but it stroked his ego to no end to know that all of the men he thought had won her affection had gotten the cold shoulder.

"Jaffen?" He had to ask, unable to believe that there had been nothing going on when she had moved in with him.

"Asexual," she moaned when one of his hands slid under her shirt and trailed up her ribcage to cup her breast.

"Sullivan?" He almost moaned the name when he found her erect nipple unhindered by a bra and flicked his thumb back and forth across it, eliciting a throaty moan from her.

"Forgot to…modify before…" She had trouble getting enough air when his tongue trailed along her neck and paused at her pulse point. "…locked myself out."

Kathryn's impatient hands groped beneath his shirt, tugging at it and pulling it out of his pants, seeking his skin. But it wasn't good enough, so she pulled it ever upwards until he had no choice but to lift his arms to let her slip it over his head and throw it aside. Finally being able to reach the whole expanse of his torso, she weaved her arms under his and grabbed his shoulders, pulling him so close that his face was mere inches from hers. When he felt her warm breath on his face and recognized the yearning in her eyes, he leaned in and kissed her hungrily, locking her lips and tongue in a passionate duel.

Chakotay shifted his thigh slightly, and while her tongue sought entrance into his hot mouth, her hips started to gyrate themselves on his upper leg, causing her to release hot puffs of air into his mouth with her panting. Her unique taste was killing him. The bitterness of the coffee and the sweetness of the strawberries still lingered in her mouth and mingled with her own taste, driving him crazy with want. He felt like he was on sensory overload.

Everything he ever wanted was here in his arms, kissing him back with the same abandon and _Oh…OH…_ those petite hands discovering the places on his body that would bring him pleasure. It took all of his willpower to not turn her around and just plunge into her from behind, take her hard right there against the counter when his hand slipped into her baggy pants and found her abundantly aroused und unhindered by panties. He almost lost it when he remembered that she must have been sitting at the breakfast table like this the whole time.

"You ate breakfast like this?" He grinned against the sensitive skin on her neck as his middle finger dipped into her, causing her to shiver and moan at the same time.

"You have no idea," she whispered seductively reaching inside his boxers and grasping his cock in her slender hand.

A deep guttural moan left Chakotay's throat and Kathryn felt his unoccupied hand starting to pull the pants down from her hips. They way she was pressed against the counter prevented him from relieving her of her clothing so she wriggled her hips a little to help him divest her of the offending garment. As soon as he pulled the waistband over her hips, the pants pooled around her legs. He fit himself back into the space between her legs and Kathryn released him to pull his pants and boxers down in return.

When Chakotay started to pull her shirt up, she quickly turned around in his arms and, laying her torso onto the granite counter, pushed her hips back into his erection.

Chakotay grabbed her hip to hold her still with one hand, her endless teasing promising to end this prematurely. His other hands trailed under her shirt, up her spine and around to grab one of her breasts. When he felt her slide her legs slightly apart, inviting him, and she turned her head to look at him, he remembered his earlier line of questioning. He tensed when one of his unbidden jealous fantasies popped into his mind.

"Kashyk," he said, instead of asked, squeezing her breast.

"Too dangerous," she replied breathlessly, not missing a beat as his hand trailed over the hollow of her hip around to her groin and cupped her heated sex.

Kathryn felt his penis slide between her thighs and tensed slightly, waiting for him to enter her. She was surprised when he didn't but kept dry humping her, his manhood sliding painfully teasingly along her sodden folds. She was so concentrated on the pleasure he was creating with the slow rotation of his hand over her clit and his pulsing member along her entrance, that she almost didn't hear him speak.

"Did you want him?" Chakotay leaned over and held the tip of his cock against her entrance, getting himself wet in her juices.

She angled her hips slightly upward and looked back at him again before she spoke. "Yes."

It was honest and brutal.

Kathryn turned her head back and pressed her forehead against the cold material of the granite countertop, when he started to press into her.

Eight years of unrequited love, of pent-up sexual frustration, of lust and of jealousy surfaced as he pushed into her in one long stroke. Kathryn's hand grasped the edge of the counter, as pain and pleasure mingled together in one loud, breathy shriek as he pressed himself home and her hip bones against the hard stone surface.

"Did you imagine he'd take you like this?" He pulled half-way out, leaving her panting against the stone, then lifted one of her knees up on the counter opening her wider for him.

"On your Ready Room desk?" He pushed back in, pressing her against the counter hard enough to bruise her hip bones.

"Yes." She knew she would be hurting tomorrow, but she didn't care.

She had imagined them like this from the moment she had put the Maquis rank bar on his collar. She had been dreaming about him shoving her onto her desk and fucking her brains out as long as she could remember. When they had this out of their system, they could make tender love, could explore each other with patience. But this was long overdue.

"I've always wanted you," she admitted, one of her hands reaching back and grasping his hand on her hip, bringing it forward with her, so he had to lean over her.

Chakotay leaned forward and kissed her spine between her shoulder blades. Her confession calmed him down, turned his burning jealousy to a simmering love. Of course, they had always wanted each other. He should have known when all his conquests were just a replacement for the one woman he could not have.

Suddenly aware of the moment, Chakotay realized what a significant feeling it was to be buried so intimately in her. She tightened around him, gripping him, making him part of her as he pulled partway out and sheathed himself deeply in her once again. He reached up and gently slid her hair to the side so he could see her face and slender neck. He slid his hand down her spine and when he reached the small of her back and she shuddered, he pulled all the way out, and pulling the hand he hadn't released, led her away from the counter and to the kitchen table.

At the question in her eyes, he grabbed her hips and hoisted her up on the table and stepped between her legs. Now perfectly aligned, he lay his hand on her behind and pulled her towards him, so he could slide back into her perfect heat. Kathryn locked her ankles behind his back and with his other hand between her shoulder blades holding her up, let her head fall back.

"I want to see you," he mumbled against her collarbones as he kissed his way up to her neck, finding her pulse point and lightly sucking.

Feeling brazen at his words, she let him suck a moment longer, then disengaged her upper body from him, and lay back on the table, her ankles still crossed behind him, pulling him closer. She grasped the edge of the table behind her head and arched her back, lifting her hips against him in a slow rhythm, signaling him that she was his to take pleasure in. She had forsaken him long enough and she could give as much as she could take.

"I'm all yours." Her throaty invitation was all the encouragement he needed.

Starting with the slow rhythm she had set, Chakotay let his hands roam over her body. Starting with the strong thighs that held him securely to her, along the little dip where her thighs met her abdomen, up her slender waist and her ribcage, barely grazing the sides of her breasts and back down over her abdomen, then cupping her breasts gingerly in his hands, gauging her reaction. He let his fingernail trail over one nipple and at her deep moan and the arching of her upper chest into his hands, he repeated the action.

When Kathryn's eyes closed against her own volition, she felt one of Chakotay's hands trail back down and settle on her abdomen, his thumb pressing into her clit. A sharp shred of pleasure shot through her causing her pelvis to buck against him, her eyes to tear open and a loud yelp to escape from the 'O' of her lips. She was in exquisite heaven and everywhere he touched her, he seemed to burn right through her skin. The pressure of his thumb on her clit became to much and distracted her from the pleasure he was creating within her, so she grabbed his hand and put it back on her hip.

Chakotay felt his orgasm approach, and when Kathryn took his hand from her groin, he took her hips in both hands and lifted her slightly off the table and towards him, forcing long, loud moans from Kathryn as he pounded in a strong, steady rhythm into her at this new angle.

Kathryn couldn't help her mouth opening wide, when Chakotay changed the angle and hit a spot deep in her that made her lose all control over her body. Suddenly her legs trembled and uncurled from behind him suspended in mid-air, her back arched off the table and pressed her pelvis harshly into him. Taut as a bow, with only her shoulders touching the surface of the table, Kathryn tried to hold on to anything her hand frantically searching the table for something to grasp while her other hand flew over her mouth to stifle her scream, as her vision blurred and lights exploded behind her eyelids. Her breath caught in her throat and no sound came out from behind her hand as her face was suspended in a silent scream and her lower body twitched and bucked against Chakotay.

With Kathryn's uncontrollable trembling and her inner walls grasping him harshly in irregular waves, Chakotay was unable to hold off his own orgasm any longer. After a few more strokes, riding out her peak, he pushed into her deeply and held himself still while he spilled his essence into her womb. When they both started to calm, Chakotay slowly moved inside her to bring them both gently down from their high until he went soft and slipped out of her. He pushed his hands under her shoulder blades and gathered her up against him, cradling her head against the nook of his neck.

Kathryn felt as if her limbs were made of jelly and when Chakotay helped her sit up and pulled her upper body close to his, her legs hung down from the table as if they didn't belong to her. She pressed her face against his neck and inhaled his musky scent, trying to still her racing heart. The shirt, still bunched up over her breasts, clung uncomfortably to her skin making her wish she could take it off, but her arms wouldn't obey her yet.

With one hand under her buttocks and the other holding her upper body against his, he slowly stood up and walked towards his bedroom. He felt Kathryn cross her ankles behind him and grasp his shoulders for support as she pressed small kisses against his neck and collarbone.

When they reached his bed, Chakotay set her down and feeling the shirt stick to her sweaty skin, gently moved her arms and pulled the garment over her head, tossing it carelessly to the side. There would be time to clean up later. Crawling half over her, her cradled her with one arm around her back and pulled her fully up with him on the bed. Kathryn snuggled close to Chakotay, one leg between his and her head against his chest, and she felt him pull the covers over them and press a kiss on the top of her head. She felt incredibly sleepy and her eyes refused to open even as she pressed a gentle kiss against Chakotay's chest and slid one arm around his waist. The last thing she heard before she drifted off to sleep was Chakotay's almost inaudible whisper, "I love you."


	4. Chapter 4

The afternoon sun filtered through the curtains and cast the room in a golden light. The weather had cleared up during the day and as the sun began to set early this time of year, it gave the impression of a late summer evening. Chakotay was almost tempted to open the window and let a breeze in, but immediately shivered at the thought.

Instead he turned his head slightly and took in the figure of the woman sleeping peacefully beside him. She lay on her back, slightly turned towards him, the sheet barely covering her breasts. Chakotay could see her eyes moving rapidly behind her eyelids, a sure sign that she was still sleeping soundly and obviously dreaming. His eyes traveled further down, over her partly opened lips, down her slender neck and her collarbones, begging him to touch and kiss them, to the swell of her breasts. Her nipples stood erect against the thin material of the bedcovers and Chakotay wondered if she was cold or had a really nice dream.

To be on the safe side, he quietly instructed his home computer to raise the room temperature by two degrees. He wanted Kathryn to feel nothing but comfortable and welcome in his home and if it meant raising the temperature above his comfort level then he could live with that. He could always divest himself of an item of clothing or two. He grinned to himself, thinking that surely, Kathryn wouldn't mind if he decided to forego his t-shirt.

He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Kathryn, but not wanting to wake her up, he contended himself with propping himself up on one elbow, his head in his hand, and just observing her as she slept. He briefly wondered if he would ever grow tired of touching her, of wanting her, when he remembered with a slight pang of guilt and remorse that he **had** grown tired of wanting her. He could clearly remember the emotional toll it had taken on him, how exhausting it had been to constantly yearn for the one thing he couldn't have. He knew now that different to him, and different to what he thought, she had not looked elsewhere, had not sought distraction.

But the years of resistance had eaten away at both of them and in the end they had both been guilty of distancing themselves from each other. Only he had delivered the final blow, though, and he had been heavily aware of his mistake in the very moment when the glowing blue orb of Earth had appeared on their view screen and he had been standing next to Seven and not Kathryn, where he was supposed to stand, where he had promised to stand - always. And not only had he been aware of it, but the blank look on Kathryn's face when she recognized that the unspoken promise of deliverance for them was just that - a hollow and broken promise. It was in that instant that Kathryn understood that while she worked without reprise towards the home she had been forced to left behind, she had thrown away the home that had been dangling in front of her face for seven long years.

Chakotay sighed. It was no use reminiscing about a past he could not change, when he had the chance to make the most of the present he had been given now. Shaking the unwelcome thoughts, he focussed back on the redhead in his bed, and when her tongue snaked out to wet her lower lip, he decided she could sleep later. He would rather watch her come undone under his hands, than by her own dreams.

Chakotay pressed a kiss to her naked shoulder and his free hand crept under the sheet to cover one of her breasts. He watched as Kathryn again snuck out her tongue and pulled a corner of her lower lip between her teeth. She was obviously dreaming and his touch was playing right into her dream. He started massaging her breast, flicking his thumb over her nipple and when her breathing grew heavier, he pulled the sheet down and took one of her breasts into his mouth, sucking and licking her nipple while his hand teased its twin.

Kathryn's eyes snapped open when she finally realized that she wasn't dreaming anymore, but that Chakotay's mouth was happily busying itself with her chest. She felt the fire shoot straight to her groin and her hand flew up to grasp Chakotay's raven hair and press him against her, reveling in the newfound freedom to enjoy the feelings he was creating in her.

When Chakotay felt Kathryn's hand against the back of his head, he abandoned her breast to move up and engage her mouth in a fiery kiss. Having thoroughly explored her mouth, he kissed and licked along her brow and her jaw, down her throat, stopping to bite and suck, secretly celebrating the mark he created, moving down the valley between her breasts, despite Kathryn's urging to stray sideways, and down her belly. He shortly stopped to kiss and lick her belly button, making Kathryn squirm at the tickling sensation before he moved his lips further south.

When she finally realized where Chakotay was heading Kathryn put a hand to his head to try and stop him.

"No, wait," she said urgently.

Chakotay stopped his ministrations and looked up at her, expecting to see regret or disgust at what he was doing or about to do. But her face and her eyes showed a hesitancy and, he tried to pin it down, maybe fear. So with the intention of stopping if she really wanted him to, he settled himself fully between her thighs, his hands securely holding her hips in place, and keeping his eyes glued to hers, he kissed and licked along her inner thighs. She was tense, her hand still on his head. He stopped millimeters before her center and locking eyes with her flicked the tip of his tongue over her clit, precise and quick, just in time for her to utter a broken "Don't. Stop."

Kathryn hissed and her pelvis involuntarily bucked away from his face at the contact. While she was still hesitant, there was a curiosity and wonder in Kathryn's eyes that let Chakotay know it was okay to go on. So with his tongue flat against her, he slowly licked the whole length of her nether lips and enclosed her clit with his lips, slightly sucking and then releasing her with a plop. Kathryn's thighs closed tightly around his head and he repeated the action a couple of times, his eyes on her the whole time.

"Oh God, don't stop."

The feelings he provoked overwhelmed her and Kathryn let her head fall back, her hips straining against his mouth, her hands grabbing the bedsheets as she twisted under him, the muscles in her legs so tense, that her heels lost contact with the mattress and she found her feet sliding across the sheets desperately searching for something to press against.

She tried to hold still when one of his hands grasped her thigh and his other arm wrapped around her belly, keeping her to him, but he played her body like a Guarneri, an Amati, a Stradivarius. Her complying flesh echoed each movement of his lips and his tongue like she was made to play his tune. And like the snake she had no choice but to rise and dance to the notes he played.

Her breath was coming in short gasps and groans and in an attempt to keep quiet, Kathryn bit her lower lip and tried to breathe through her nose. But she didn't get enough air and after grunting even louder, she just let go and opened her mouth wide sucking in the air and releasing it in a loud , trembling wail. Her whole body arched and her pleasure coursed through her veins in a sudden burst that caused her left leg to cramp around his back while her right leg shot out straight and finally encountered something to press against.

Kathryn was heavenly unaware of his loud yelp as her foot made hard contact with his hipbone. When she could finally get enough air into her lungs to calm her breathing down and take notice of anything outside of her body, he was nestled between her legs, holding her to him while she still twitched and bucked lightly from time to time. Chakotay cradled her face in his hands, wiping the sweaty hair from her forehead while he tenderly kissed her on her eyelids, jawbone and the corner of her mouth, waiting for her to come to.

"Oh my God," she breathed, still trying to calm her racing heart, "that was…oh my God."

"You've never…?" He asked tenderly, wondering how a woman with her sexual prowess could never have had a lover who'd want to do this to her, with her.

"I've always…made it clear that…I wouldn't," she gestured to his groin with her eyes, "so it never came down to it."

"Well, you were beautiful," Chakotay smirked making Kathryn blush a crimson red, "So if you don't mind, I'd like to repeat the performance."

"But I…" He silenced her with a quick kiss when she started to protest.

"Kathryn, giving you pleasure turns me on. You're incredibly hot when you're coming and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if you don't want to reciprocate." He angled his hips against her, letting her feel how hot and bothered seeing her come apart under his mouth had actually made him.

Kathryn gasped and jolted slightly when she felt his tip brush against her sensitive clit and then rest against her slick opening. Grabbing his neck and pulling him down to her, she locked her lips to his in a bruising kiss, as she angled her pelvis to make him slide into her easily.

Although sufficiently lubricated, with her flesh still tender and raw from the previous lovemaking Kathryn winced at the intrusion. Chakotay stilled and brushed her cheek with his thumb.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh yes! This feels…" _Amazing. Perfect. Right._ All of them were correct, but none of them quite expressed what it actually felt like. None of these words were perfect. She was a scientist, not a poet, it really shouldn't matter. But it did.

"Like coming home?" He offered when she struggled for words. He knew. Of course, he knew. He always knew.

"Like coming home," she said.

"Then come, Kathryn. Come for me."

And she came for him, with him, around him. She came, and she came hard. And the world around her came with her, everything came crashing down and set into place, and when she finally opened her eyes with a deep sated sigh and a smile on her lips, he whispered, "There you are." And yes, there she was. Home. Finally.

"Welcome home."


	5. Chapter 5

"Honey, I'm home." Chakotay chuckled and listened for her witty reply.

None came and listening intently he found the house eerily quiet. He had been gone longer than he had expected and for a moment he thought she may have left, but her sandals were placed neatly next to the door. He smiled warmly, placed his own shoes next to hers and hung her purse in the closet. Chakotay had gone out to fetch them some dinner and since the Asian take-out she had sent him to wasn't too far from her apartment, he had decided to drop by Kathryn's to pick up some clothes for her, simply assuming that they would spend the rest of their time off mostly together.

B'Elanna had dropped by to give Kathryn her purse back and when Chakotay opened the door with a pile of her clothes in hand, a burgundy lace bra traitorously peeking out among them, she had just grinned, slapped his shoulder and asked him to send her regards. Chakotay had just been giddily happy and unable suppress his own smirk. By the time he had gotten dinner and headed back it was later than he had anticipated.

The living room was only minimally illuminated, Chakotay peeked into the kitchen and found the table set, but no Kathryn either. He quietly crept upstair, thinking she may have fallen back asleep. Neither of them had a particularly relaxing night and their day had been spent rather active as well. But the bed was neatly made and he couldn't see Kathryn in the bedroom either. Disappointment quickly engulfing him, he turned back towards the stairs when a distinct smell and a flicker caught his eye.

The bathroom door was ajar and he could see warm, orange light flicker through the small gap. He recognized the smell as belonging to one of the bathing oils Kathryn had used on Voyager. Was it lavender? Jasmine? Or a mixture of both? He couldn't quite remember, but apparently Kathryn had had no trouble replicating it here. Chakotay quietly opened the door to the bathroom and almost laughed out loud at the sight that greeted him.

Kathryn had made herself at home in his bathroom. She was submerged to her throat in the water, her head laid back on the headrest with her eyes closed, her breathing deep and even. She must have decided to test out his bathtub and then fallen asleep while waiting for him. He genuinely beamed at the intimate familiarity of her behavior and how comfortable she seemed to be in his home. Chakotay took a look around and saw that she had also replicated a toothbrush and placed it next to his. So he wasn't the only one just assuming that she would stay for a while.

A spontaneous idea in mind, Chakotay quickly went back downstairs, got their take-out and placed it on a small chair next to the tub. Trying not to startle her, Chakotay quietly undressed and stepped into the water, finding it pleasantly warm and wondering how hot it must have been when she had gotten in. He was no bathtub person, so he hadn't realized that the tub wasn't exactly accommodating two people, let alone his whole body. It was rather cramped, but if he sat close enough to her and pulled her legs over his, they could both fit. But they would have to either get a bigger tub, or find a place that already had one. Or he could build her one, he thought with a grin, knowing that Kathryn would love that.

Kathryn's breathing had changed so he knew she was awake, but it wasn't until he massaged her thighs and scooted close enough to her to almost have their sexes touch that, without lifting her head, she opened one eye and gave him a lopsided grin.

"I was waiting for you," she said with a deep, throaty voice still heavy with sleep.

"I brought food." He kissed her lightly on her lips.

"I noticed," she replied cheekily while wriggling her bottom.

"No," Chakotay laughed, "actual food."

He reached over and opened the containers, sticking forks in them and took one.

"Baked chicken with pepper-coriander sauce?" He offered her a bite.

"Dinner in the bathtub?" she asked, accepting the bite from his fork and chewing slowly. "Now, that's a genius idea. I should keep you around."

"I've been known to have a few good ideas." She raised her eyebrow at him, teasing him while he handed her a container with something he wanted to eat.

She looked inside and crunched her nose when she saw it was mini veggie spring rolls. She didn't like their texture anymore, it reminded her too much of the food Neelix used to prepare for them. But she took one and holding it between thumb and forefinger offered it to him. He took a bite and while he chewed he kept feeding her the chicken. When he took the rest of the spring roll from her fingers, he made sure to engulf enough of her thumb and forefinger in his mouth and licked and sucked them while taking the food from her.

Kathryn's pupils dilated at the erotic gesture and she swallowed hard. Seeing that the action had the desired effect, he picked up her chicken with his fingers instead of the fork and offered it to her in the same manners as she had offered his spring roll. Kathryn imitated Chakotay's sucking and licking and he felt the arousal shoot right to his groin. Kathryn felt him rise against her, and scooted even closer. Never losing their close contact, they kept feeding each other until they both had enough and couldn't keep their hands off each other anymore.

Unable to hold back any longer, Chakotay reached out to her and cupped one of her breasts, his thumb flicking over her nipple while he grasped her bottom and pulled her against him. Kathryn laid her hand against his neck and pulled him down for a passionate kiss, her other hand reaching under the water and gently stroking his manhood. With the warm water surrounding them and Kathryn's incessant caresses under the water and inside his mouth, Chakotay couldn't hold out any longer. He lifted her buttocks and hoisted her over him, letting her sink down on his painfully erect penis.

Not thinking twice about it and equally aroused, Kathryn let him penetrate her quickly. At the intrusion she felt a stinging pain and hissed and groaned, arching against Chakotay and causing him to penetrate even further.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked worriedly holding her hips still as she steadied herself against his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," she groaned, her nose crunched and forehead furrowed, "I didn't expect to be this sore. Give me a second."

Kathryn pulled Chakotay close for another kiss as his hands roamed soothingly across her back. When the pain receded, Kathryn carefully moved her pelvis, but the stinging returned and made her grunt in frustration and discomfort.

"Damn," she bit her lower lip and looked regretfully at Chakotay, "the water isn't helping."

"Hey," he gently laid his thumb on her chin and gave her a quick peck on her forehead, "anything I can do?"

"Shrink?" She shrugged with an apologetic smile, feeling him already soften inside her, "I'll just have to ask the Doctor for a dermal regenerator."

Chakotay chuckled when Kathryn rolled her eyes, forcing another small gasp from her at the movement. He grabbed her at the waist and helped her up, so she could step out of the water. Kathryn put on a nightgown and a thick, fluffy bathrobe and as Chakotay put away their food and emptied the bathtub, she sat down on his terminal and contacted the Doctor.

"Admiral Janeway, what a pleasant surprise." The cheery face of their holographic Doctor greeted her. "I see you survived last night's festivities more or less intact."

"Good evening, Doctor." She pulled her bathrobe closed at her décolleté and raised her eyebrow when she noticed the Doctor take in her appearance.

"What can I do for you, Admiral?" The Doctor asked when Kathryn cleared her throat to get his attention back to her face.

"I need you to send a dermal regenerator to my replicator," she stated matter of factly, not wanting to discuss it further, but needing the Doctor to give her clearance to replicate the tool.

"Are you hurt, Admiral?" The Doctor's forehead furrowed with concern, "I will come over and treat your injuries professionally."

"No, no," she held up her hands to stop him, "There's no need for that. It's just a little…soreness."

The Doctor took in the blush that spread from her cheeks down her neck and below the neckline of her robe. With Kathryn's eyes lowered in obvious embarrassment, he quickly checked his terminal and determining where she had called him from, he had to suppress a grin.

"I see," he said amusement evident in his voice, making Kathryn wonder if that had always been in his programming, "I should still come to see you, Admiral. Your annual physical is long overdue anyway."

"This is really not a good time, Doctor," Kathryn warned him. "Now, if you'd be so kind and give me the clearance to replicate a dermal regenerator and I promise I'll drop by your office next week."

Seeing as this was the best deal he would probably get out of her, the Doctor finally nodded. "I take it this is a new development, so I'll also send you something to help until you're more accustomed."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kathryn said sharply, interrupting him before he could say anything more embarrassing.

"See you next week, Admiral, and give Captain Chakotay my regards." The channel closed before Kathryn could reply, so she just leaned back and groaned.

When she heard Chakotay's chuckle from the door, she turned around and gave him a death glare. This was no laughing matter. But Chakotay just walked over to the replicator and typed in her clearance code. A dermal regenerator and a bottle with a translucent, gelatinous content materialized. He took both items and turned the bottle in his hands to see what it was. Grinning he handed the bottle to Kathryn.

"He's entirely too nosy." She frowned when she saw that it was a lubricant.

"He's been our only physician for eight years," Chakotay swiveled the chair fully around and pulled Kathryn up against him, his hand on the small of her back to playfully press her against him. "Of course, he would know."

"Take that thing away from me." Kathryn slapped his shoulder and pushed out of his embrace when she felt him rise against her belly.

When she tried to take the dermal regenerator from him, he held his hand high.

"No, let me do it." He tried to pull her back to him, but she took a step back, looking at him, hands on her hips.

"Chakotay," She tried to sound stern, but the crimson blush undermined her authority profoundly.

"I broke it," he grinned cheekily, "I fix it."


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey, I'm not broken," she complained as he walked her backwards towards the bed, "a bit roughened up maybe."

Kathryn tried in vain to hold on to him when the back of her knees hit the bed and she tumbled backwards, her nightgown bunching up around her thighs as she fell. Chakotay put his knee on the edge of the mattress between her thighs and leaned over her.

"We'll see." He gave her a dimpled grin and a kiss on the tip of her nose before venturing down her body.

"Wait," she said when he'd almost reached the juncture of her legs, grabbing one of his ears to make him stop. Chakotay winced and stopped, then tugged his earlobe when she let go, tilted his head slightly and looked at her.

"Are you sure?" Kathryn didn't want him to feel he had to do this. "You really don't have to…"

"Kathryn," he interrupted her, taking her hand and interlacing their fingers, "do you trust me?"

"Of course, I do." She rolled her eyes at him, but her uncertainty was still clearly evident.

"Then trust me when I say I want to do this." Chakotay held her eyes for a moment, waiting for her nod of consent, before he let go of her hand and laid it on her abdomen. "And don't abuse my ear again."

Kathryn giggled as she lay back against the mattress, but the nervousness was clearly audible. When Chakotay grasped her left leg and lifted it up to place her foot on the mattress, he could feel the tension and the slight tremors, so he caressed her outer thigh and kissed the inside of her knee to calm her down before he lifted her other leg, opening her to his scrutiny.

Kathryn felt utterly exposed when Chakotay started to lift her leg. It was ridiculous really, since he had seen all of her and his mouth and hands had already been all over her body this morning and afternoon. It was silly to be nervous, but she still was. Maybe because having him take care of her in this non-sexual way was far more intimate than sex could ever be. Kathryn was always the one taking care of others, not the other way around. She couldn't just flick the switch and let go. But she trusted Chakotay and it wasn't he who made her uncomfortable, but the unknown situation. So she closed her eyes, took a deep breath and willed her nerves to calm down. When she felt Chakotay's reassuring caress on her thigh and his lips on her inner knee, she was thankful that he didn't underestimate how hard this was for her.

Chakotay pushed the hem of Kathryn's nightgown up to her abdomen, baring her to his gaze and gasped when he saw how red her nether lips were. He reached out his finger to spread her outer labia and have a better look, making her wince again.

"Sorry," he apologized, "this looks awful. Why didn't you say anything earlier?"

"It wasn't so bad earlier." She shrugged, although Chakotay kept his eyes glued to the damage they had done.

"But it surely wasn't good either," he argued, "next time you tell me right away, okay? I don't want you to be uncomfortable with me, Kathryn."

"Okay."

"Promise?" Chakotay asked from between her legs.

"I promise," she relented, rolling her eyes.

Chakotay looked at the dermal regenerator in his other hand. It looked quite different fro the ones they had used on Voyager and he wondered who was responsible for the new design. It had a cylindric shape, infinitesimally broader on one end. Chakotay studied the settings for a moment and realized he could use it for small spots, much like a laser, larger circular areas, a long, broad beam or activate the healing beam in a 360 degree angle around the device. Looking back at Kathryn's sore area, he realized why the Doctor had send this specific design and had to suppress a grin. Kathryn sure was in for another surprise.

Kathryn heard Chakotay switch the regenerator on and tensed waiting for the familiar tingle on her skin. When it finally came it still surprised her and her breath hitched. She thought the tingling had magnified tenfold in difference to other areas of her body and she felt her body respond to it. She could feel her nipples harden and tried in vain to suppress the arousal.

Although he was thorough, Chakotay was quickly done, so Kathryn was surprised when she heard the switch again and instead of silence, a different frequency of the humming met her ears. She was about to lift her head and see what Chakotay was doing when she felt him spread cool gel on her opening.

"What…" Before she had a chance to ask what he was doing, Chakotay had pushed the tip of the regenerator into Kathryn's vagina, the tingling sensation now engulfing her inner walls and effectively shutting her up.

She felt the soreness recede completely as Chakotay pushed the cylindric regenerator further in, then slowly pulled it out, only to push it back in. When his thumb pressed against her clit and he rotated the device inside her, Kathryn knew that this wasn't therapeutic anymore, so she closed her eyes and actively decided to enjoy the ride.

Chakotay watched Kathryn, looking for any sign of discomfort or reluctance, any signal that she wanted him to stop. But except for her sudden, surprised outcry none had come. So he listened to her breathing that slowly became more and more labored, bordering on short gasps, felt the muscles of her abdomen clench and unclench in waves under his hand and the trembling of her thighs against his head. Knowing she was close, Chakotay leaned further in and using his newly acquired intimate knowledge, sucked her clit into his mouth, making her buck violently against him.

Never letting go of her pearl of pleasure, he removed the regenerator and gently inserted his middle finger. He searched for the rough spot on the front wall of her tight channel and pressed against it while simultaneously sucking her clitoris and flicking the tip of his tongue over it. Kathryn opened her mouth and let out a sharp shriek, twisting the material of her nightgown in her fists to keep from shoving Chakotay's head away from her.

Keeping up his maddeningly steady movements, Chakotay added a second finger and curled both against her G-spot. After a few more thrusts, when Kathryn seemed to suck in less and less air with each breath, Chakotay grated his front teeth over her clit and, wiping his mouth on her thigh, removed his head and his hand from between her legs.

"Why did you…Oh," she started when he moved up her body, then yelped when she felt him spread more of the cool gel around and inside her tight opening.

Kathryn opened her legs wider in invitation and wound her arms around his back and up to his shoulders, pulling him close. Chakotay teased her with the head of his penis, slowly rubbing it up and down her folds and against her clit, before inching inside agonizingly slow. When he was fully engulfed, his balls resting against her, he took her lips in a bruising kiss, thoroughly exploring the cavity of her hot mouth before pulling back and looking at her.

"All good?" He needed to make sure there was no discomfort this time.

"Perfect." She smiled warmly.

Then she felt him rest the whole weight of his lower body against her, pressing her into the mattress and effectively rendering her lower body immobile. Kathryn frowned at the inability to move her hips and meet his thrusts, but when Chakotay started moving and instead of thrusting in and out, just rolled his pelvis against her, she couldn't suppress a loud moan.

"Oh…oh…OH," every roll of his hips created the perfect amount of friction and pressure against her G-spot on the inside while alternatively pressing against and releasing her clitoris on the outside, never giving her a respite from her pleasure.

Never changing his pace or angle Chakotay slowly worked Kathryn up, watching the beads of moisture gather on her upper lip and around her nose, the flush of arousal deepening and spreading down her neck and her chest. Interlacing his fingers through hers, he kept both her hands up on both sides of her head and glued his eyes to hers. He felt her stiff nipples against his chest and saw her frown deeply in concentration and her pupils dilate and her eyes darken and glaze over as she lost focus.

"Oh fuck…yes." The constant pressure was delicious and maddening and Kathryn could feel a massive orgasm slowly and steadily approaching and knew it would be mind-blowing. "Yes. Yes…oh fuck, fuck, fuck, this is a good one."

Chakotay almost laughed out loud when Kathryn started swearing never having heard this choice of curse word from her. But when her inner walls started clenching in strong and steady waves, he had to concentrate on not losing his rhythm. Finally he felt her snap down, her hands grasping his tightly, her vagina gripping his penis in a vice like grip as her whole body went rigid, pulling him over the edge with her.

"Ffffffffuuuuuuck," she screamed hoarsely, having lost all control over her body, her eyes tearing wide open at the feeling of pleasure tearing through her and the sound of her own voice echoing off the walls back to her own ears.

They both sagged against the sheets, trying to catch their breath, when Chakotay released her hands and lowered his head against her chest. When he felt a measure of strength return to his body he lifted his head and found Kathryn covering her mouth with one of her hands, the shock over her outburst still written in her eyes. Chakotay wiped the sweaty hair from her forehead and took her hand from her mouth, raining butterfly kisses all over her face.

Kathryn felt his penis slip out of her and in a sudden movement that surprised her as much as him, she quickly rolled onto her side facing him and grasped his flaccid member, unwilling to lose the connection just yet.

"I love your dick." Her unoccupied hand flew to her mouth again, the thought having slipped out unbidden. But merriment danced in both of their eyes and after a few moments they couldn't hold in their laughter and burst out laughing.

"Good, because I love your pussy." Chakotay pulled her closer against him and kissed her.

They stayed like this for what seemed like an eternity, lips locked, hands lazily exploring damp bodies, until Chakotay felt Kathryn shiver. So he got up and returned from the bathroom a few seconds later, a warm, damp washcloth in his hands. Kneeling beside Kathryn on the bed he gently cleaned their combined juiced from her hand and between her legs and her thighs, pecking a quick kiss to the top of her nose, before returning the cloth back to the bathroom.

He cleaned himself up and pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and when he returned to the bedroom he saw that Kathryn had put on a fresh nightgown and replaced the damp sheets. Now she lay on one side of the bed, the covers up to her waist, waiting for Chakotay to rejoin her. When he stepped into the bedroom, he just caught her in a huge yawn. He quickly slipped under the covers, pulling them up over their shoulders. Kathryn turned around and with her back to Chakotay snuggled close against him, pulling his arm around her waist and holding his hand in hers.

"What time is it?" Kathryn asked, unwilling to open her own eyes to check.

"Just past midnight," he replied, "We have a few hours before anyone is going to check in on us."

"Hmmm." It was more a hum than an actual reply coming from Kathryn, and when Chakotay lifted his head he saw that her eyes were closed and she was almost asleep, a content smile on her lips and her features relaxed.

"Chakotay?" He was surprised when she spoke again, but she had felt his movement and a grin formed on her lips.

"Hmm?"

"Your bathtub is too small." She squinted at him through her eyelid and saw her grin mirrored in his face before he lay back down behind her.

"I love you," he whispered against her hair and kissed the top of her head, then pulled her closer against him and closed his eyes as well.

"Hmm, love you, too." Chakotay faintly heard Kathryn's mumbled reply before he drifted off to sleep, completely at peace with her in his arms.


End file.
